When I was 19, I was diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovarian Syndrome). I was told that it would be difficult or even impossible for me to ever be pregnant. I was pretty well accepting of that, and I knew in my mind that I never actually wanted children. And that was okay.
Now here I am, seven years later, expecting my first child. Weird. I'm still getting over that whole deal in the first place. But it has happened, I wasn't preventing it from happening, though I thought my body was.
I have never encountered such generosity as I have in the past few months. I can't believe the outpouring of love and affection from everyone in my life, from co-workers that I've known for a little over three years to family members that I've been near my whole life. Again. Overwhelming.
I am not good at sending thank you cards. In fact, the whole buying stamps, picking out a card, asking someone for their mailing address...it is far too primitive for me to imagine doing. I'm terrible at it. I've tried Christmas cards in the past. Doesn't work. (They're actually still sitting in my desk from two or three years ago, signed, written out, and all that good stuff. But I never got the stamps to mail them out. Yeah. Like I said. Terrible.)
I want to let people know how grateful I am for the things they have contributed to our baby boy's life before he's even taken his first glimpse at life outside the womb. I'm just bad at it. So I think I'll do it here.
To my husband of five years, Sean...I know, I'm a mean old crab, and I always sound like I wanted you to do something twenty years ago when I ask, but I am so thankful to have you in my life. You have no idea. There aren't enough words in my vocabulary to even begin to describe how happy and joyous you make me feel. You have taken care of me through your expressions, actions, and your words for this long. I don't plan on ever having that be gone. I should appreciate you more, or at least show my appreciation that I feel in my heart. I just don't take the time to think about my actions before I perform them. So I sound mean, when really, that sarcastic thank you or that grunt of 'eff you', is actually me attempting to say something friendly, but I am so bad at being nice, especially right now. It's been my biggest fault, especially in the past few months. Being pregnant is no excuse to being unfriendly. I feel like I have so much on my plate that I don't even look to see what you've got on yours. And for that I am sorry, and I just have to say thank you for still being here for me after these years. We've had our share of sadness, and I wouldn't have wanted to share that feeling with anyone but you. I love you, and I'm really excited at the prospect of co-parenting with you. This should be an interesting journey...:) Thank you.
To my neighbors, Jamie and Joe...you have no idea how much we appreciate all of the countless things you have done for us. They might not seem like much to you, but they really do mean a lot, especially to me. I am not a socialite. I am very very quiet. I promise I'm not secretly plotting your demise, or anyone else's for that matter. I'm just socially awkward, incredibly so compared to Sean, who seems to have an endless supply of what to talk about that's interesting and fun. You have given us so many things for our baby boy. Tons of clothes (no I'm not joking, I'm pretty sure that's one full ton of clothes!), a baby swing, bottles, bibs, hats, socks, mitts, and I could never say thank you enough for those things. We have enjoyed getting to know you both better, as well as your children. And Jamie, you prove to me that this whole pregnancy thing will, in fact, not kill me. You have three children. I could never do that! You're like superwoman to me, and I find that very admirable. Joe, I feel the same way. You support your family so well, and I really love how you and Sean have become such great friends. And the night you guys invited us for dinner, I was so out of my comfort zone, I am just so awkward about things like that. I felt so unprepared for that! How would I ever repay you?! I couldn't imagine. And now, I can see that it was a kind gesture and a get-to-know-you type thing and that that is normal among people. So very warm and inviting. Thank you.
To my co-workers, particularly VM and SN (I will abbreviate as I do not want to expose your identities online!). VM, thank you for the loads and loads and loads and loads of baby clothes, blankets, slings, hats, toys, and all the other items. I don't know how you found time in your busy schedule to do these things, but wow. Another superwoman, if you'd ask me. You have a new baby yourself, he has medical issues, plus you have your three year old son, and I think that is impressive. I've not been very close with you over the past two to three years that I've known you, we're very different people, but you have been so generous for no other reason than to just be generous. For that, I must say thank you. SN, thank you for the sweet donation of maternity clothes! I needed to feel good about myself in something, and the clothes you gave me have made me feel just that. They are so nice, and just so cute! I love your family, and you make being a mom seem like fun to me, which I never had that impression before. I love the pride you take in your children and husband, and you are one of the best people I've ever met in my life. I wish we could be friends outside of work, but that's just not possible. But still, I have the time with you at work, and for that, thank you.
To my family, namely my father, mother, step-father, and step-mother...sorry I am making you all feel older by making you grandparents (some of you again!). I do apologize for that, but it sounds good on you guys! :) I can't thank my mother and step-father enough for their generous purchases of 216 size 1 diapers, a bedding set, a baby blanket my Aunt Tina made for me, clothing, kitchen supplies, and the other items they've purchased to help assist in our time of preparing for a baby. I am a very at a loss for words at the things you have given to us over the years, but more so for helping us prepare to welcome our first child to the world. As the title of this blog suggests, and as a pattern has began to form, you guessed it...thank you. And to my father and step-mother, you have also done so much to help us prepare for this moment, and I know how excited my dad is to become a grandpa. I couldn't believe the excitement on his face when we told him we were expecting. I couldn't believe the excitement he had when I told him it was a boy. I just can't believe any of it. My father has been so supportive in my pregnancy, calling to check and see how I am feeling, and generally just concerned that I am resting enough. I am happy to be carrying your first grandson, and I can't wait for him to meet you. Thank you.
To my grandmother, I have so many words. You have supported me when I felt the whole world was crashing in on me. You always answer your phone when I need you the most, which lately has been every day, sometimes more than once a day. I love our relationship so much, you are my best friend and I can tell you anything without any judgement at all. You listen to my every gripe, pain, bout of nausea, problem at work, and everything. You know me better than almost anyone else in this world. I can hardly put into words how happy I am every time I talk to you, knowing you'll have something spectacularly 'un-grandma' to say about it, but making me feel better all the while. Thank you.
To my leedle seestur, you are my whole world. You are my best friend. You are one of the only people I've known my whole entire life! And I've known you your whole life! <3 Any time I hear from you, my heart is just filled with so much happiness. I know I still see you as my baby seestur, and that is who you'll forever be to me. I love to baby you when you're here with me, and I love even more that you work at CB with me, as it is just another excuse to get to see you and spend time with you. I'm sure I annoy the everliving shit out of you most days, nagging and pushing you, but it is because I care and I want to see you happy. I love you so much, you wouldn't begin to comprehend. I couldn't imagine my life without you. You're the best leedle seestur in the world. :) <3 Thank you.
To the rest of the world, thank you for reading my ramblings. I have no idea how I am going to be as a parent, but I hope that these wonderful people in my life know that I feel this way, though, as I mentioned a few times...I am terrible at conveying my thoughts in person. I do much better with a keyboard and an internet connection. Please understand this. I couldn't ever say thank you enough to these people in my life. They mean so much to me, and I hope they know how they fill my life with joy.
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